Me: I think I'm accepting that I still want a PhD. haha
Ruthie: wow, if this school didn't turn you off, you're meant to get one...tell the utopians i say hey and i'll see them later this week
I think I want to pursue Philosophy though. I don't regret coming to UChicago though, even if it will, on the surface, appear to be a $46K mistake and force me to obtain another Master's Degree. It has immensely helped to clear my thoughts in my head and realize that, while I am going to step on some toes, the immanent critiques I have are justifiable. I just have to learn to be unwavering in my conviction in the face of criticisms of them. If I waver, hesitate, or make unnecessary concessions with them, they will lose all credibility.
And, for that very reason, I am NOT going to apologize for this seemingly random, sporadic digress of my usual absence. |
I have not updated
this journal
for some
time
and that
you were probably
thinking it would be
deleted.
Forgive me
and hope that
this measure works
and my account
stays active. |
Currently I'm procrastinating working on my presentation that I have to give tomorrow. And what, you might ask am I doing to procrastinate? Reading texts for the other class I have tomorrow.
*Sighs* Gotta love this whole graduate school thing.... |
|
Relics
|
Jul. 3rd, 2006 @ 09:12 pm
|
|---|
I went home for a day-and-a-half this weekend. In an attempt to make space for the shit I'm about to bring home, I spent the weekend sorting through the dust-coated, middle/high school crap in my room. It was interesting to look back on the stuff and wonder why I'm still keeping as much as I am... Just when I think I should take a torch to all of it though, I find things that make me glad I never trashed the stuff in the first place.
Or a decorated sheet of poetry by Liz from a lit mag (I'll just send it via email, if you'd like).
Anyway, my point is, I've been thinking a lot about leaving Florida, especially considering that the time is not far away at all (28 July), and it is just odd. What's odder is that I'm headed to the Midwest. And granted, it's only a year, but I know it will be an extremely defining year of my life, potentially as much as the four years of high school I stumbled back upon this weekend. |
| » I think I'm turning Japanese... again. |
|---|
I could enter a very long rant about my work for the past month, but I think I'm going to save it for a tasteful, calm, cool, collected discussion with a manager or a letter of sorts.
That said, I'm headed to Japan again! There, I've already forgotten all the other stuff!
Jun. 23rd, 2006 @ 11:07 pm
|
| » No Surprises Here |
|---|
| You Are Guinness | 
You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world.
Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.
When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well.
But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around. |
May. 31st, 2006 @ 08:12 pm
|
| » Blame it on my youth |
|---|
If I expected love when first we kissed, don't blame it on my heart; blame it on my youth.
First, to cover merely the mundane, I have gone full-time at Borders doing inventory processing. I actually really enjoy the job. While I do find myself reinforcing certain habits, I find myself fine-tuning things that I should have worked on long ago...
Not being so concerned with the mass rabble of people, for instance. There are some people that will never understand this burning drive. There will always be people who bury themselves and accept easy answers, be it in religion, in metaphysics, in postmodernism, hell, even in politics. There will be people who bash one side without considering the other side really isn't an other.
We really don't have much freedom in this country, or even in this world for that matter.
I've discovered why it is that I really dislike much of politics-- the focus on the national system is the focus on day-to-day survival, of the systems that are set up for interaction, governance, basic living.
(And this is why I dislike much of it. It seems that if mankind has any potential for advancement, the focus isn't going to be on this, it's going to be on the higher arts- on the pure sciences, art forms, literature, philosophy, et cetera. And much of it will be repeating what others have said before, or running in circles... but, it seems if we have any chance, this is where some alternative path resides.)
Anyway, there will always be these people. There will always be the sheep. I cannot change these people, especially if they are blank.
I just must make sure not to become one of them.
This might come off as elitist bitch, but that's probably what I need in my life right now.
Chicago is going to be hell. But it's exactly what I need. It's what I need to change out of this indecisive, hesitant, wavering phase and into the full woman I can become.
I have recently been reevaluating insecurities, particularly of how questioning everything ulitmately leads to a relentless, exhaustive questioning of myself, almost to the point of intolerable. I also have chastised myself for placing merit above pure academics and learning. Not that I did not value learning; I do love pure academics. But I look back, and see certain classes into which I should not have put the effort. Rather than cramming for these insignificant classes or topics for an A, I could have settled for lower grades and spent that time in pursuit of true learning, of playing an instrument, of anything else.
I find lately that I do not really know myself, despite all previous attempts. Not because I'm out-of-touch with some previously defined person, but because I'm still changing. I know I am on the verge of another great change, and I know the primary focus of it is my unjustified lack of security and confidence, and obsessions consequent thereof.
It will also inevitably tie in with how I view the world, how I and human beings derive meaning (be it retrospectively, even), and the troubles I am having with the redundancies and follies of mankind. There are no satisfying answers to the question of meaning.
Not even academia.
Working inventory has only made me all the more aware of how pathetic human existence can be. That much of the effort results in tripe. Even giving up on all the ideologies- of denouncing religion, politics, social theories- and merely living a commoner's day-to-day life, and enjoying it, does not seem the right path, either. What other option have I than to add my voice to the mass on the shelves? What other option have they? It's a fool's quest. But it is all humankind seems to have right now.
And so my demise continues.
May. 24th, 2006 @ 08:24 pm
|
| » Update |
|---|
Alive.
May. 3rd, 2006 @ 12:02 pm
|
| » Not by the way; perhaps out of the way |
|---|
I forgot to mention a couple weeks ago when I started the book floor (in addition to the cafe') to comment on our expansive (and expanding) anime section. We even have more in the back, too. It's kind of like a mahem manga mecca or something....
Thought Carolyn would appreciate that.
Oh, I also got a letter of acceptance to the masters (but not the phd) program at the University of New Mexico. They've offered a teaching assistantship in English (that can't be fully guaranteed but which there'd be a good chance of having) for 13,000 plus tuition remission. However, at this point, I'd rather go in debt in and at Chicago.
Still waiting to hear from a few other schools as well, but I seem to be falling......
Mar. 14th, 2006 @ 06:58 pm
|
| » Good News |
|---|
So.
When I applied to the University of Chicago, I figured they would take one look at my application, laugh, and throw it in the trash.
Apparently, I was wrong.
While I was not accepted into their PhD program for the Committee on Social Thought, they were impressed enough by my application to send it to the Masters in Social Sciences (A thing they don't usually do). Out of some ridiculous amount of applicants, they offered me admission to the MA program.
Mom tells me the letters are hand-signed and that the dean wrote something along the lines of: Let me be the first to congratulate you on your admission into a program to which you did not apply.
They want me there to matriculate into the PhD program, from what I understand. They've offered to pay 1/3 of my tuition.
I. am. stoked.
The University of Chicago.
The worst thing that can happen is that I go broke getting the MA in Chicago.
I might go broke but it's one hell of a school.
P.S. T.S. Eliot was one of many to have been on the committee.
Mar. 13th, 2006 @ 06:04 pm
|
| » Somewhat apropos... |
|---|
Feb. 11th, 2006 @ 07:14 pm
|
| » Some characters.... |
|---|
Today, February 9, 2006. Approximately 3:20pm.
Customer (Male): Do you have the sugar-free Vanilla stuff to make the latte?
Me: Yes, actually, that's all we have. We ran out of regular Vanilla syrup yesterday.
Him: So you can make the sugar-free stuff, then?
Me: Yes.
Him: Okay.... (Hems and haws) I'll take a... medium. caramel. latte.... oh wait. Actually, make that two. Two medium caramel lattes.
Me: (Refrains from giving a look) Okay. Did you want both of those sugar-free?
Him: No, both regular.
P.S. Since he was out of ear-shot my coworker called them out, "Two medium caramel lattes that have absolutely nothing to do with two medium, sugar-free vanilla lattes."
Feb. 9th, 2006 @ 08:05 pm
|
| » Just waiting for Tom to call... |
|---|
I have a cello.
That is all.
Jan. 23rd, 2006 @ 07:41 pm
|
| » Thoughts for the evening |
|---|
Good music, tons of books at my disposal, plenty of espresso and cute, polite coworkers with excellent musical tastes.
This is looking better than I anticipated.
Jan. 22nd, 2006 @ 06:57 pm
|
| » As close to "misunderstood bohemian" as I can afford to be in Tampa |
|---|
Yes, I am aware that I have been a recluse for an increasing bit of time now. I caught this strain of cold Friday night/Saturday morning. After every else has already had it. Leave it to the roommate to bring home the one strand I'd manage to catch.
In other news, I've completed seven applications in total with three more to finish. I will hear back from all these places around March/April. In the meantime, there's still a lot of work to do for finaid, etc. Oh, and the research I need to do for Dr. Roach still.
I started a new part-time job last night. I am officially a cafe' worker at Borders. Hopefully I can get moved out onto the floor asap. I haven't actually worked in the cafe' part yet (that training starts tomorrow morning, bright and early). Funny thing is, it pays peanuts but I think I might like the job. The time definitely went by faster than at Sunbelt. It's corporate but it's much more laid back than Barnes and Noble. Oh, and the discount on merchandise is awesome. Plus, I can check out certain books for 10 days at a time. :) I think I might spend more money there than I make.
And my name is Jane. They already have one Sara and another Sarah there. I suggested Sarah Jane for my stuff but my manager asked if she could just use Jane. I figured, why not? I've been ready for something new anyway.
Plus, it reeks of British comedy.
Jan. 18th, 2006 @ 02:15 pm
|
| » A resolution |
|---|
I figured out one resolution upon which I can settle:
My passport must have more stamps.
Jan. 1st, 2006 @ 11:33 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
What was this thing I call 2005 to me? Many things seem so empty and false in light of my world views (even those fall prey to their own theories). So what was this year? What was this thing I called time?
It was a year for change, yet I find the change to be anticlimactic from anticipation.
I did learn much this year, though. I learned what it takes to graduate. I learned just how much I love the feel of the ocean on my skin. I learned the mindless drones of the real world work force and refuse to be part of it.
I'm learning that certainty proves rather unstable.
Last night was interesting in its senselessness.
The biggest lesson of 2005 was reinforced last night. And it is a hard one: I don't actually know what it is I want out of life, yet.
That, in fact, I am more confused now than I have ever been.
But that is okay because I am 22.
Dec. 31st, 2005 @ 02:25 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Dec. 30th, 2005 @ 01:11 pm
|
| » Suppose I should update.... |
|---|
The call isn't coming. I really don't think it is. I don't doubt the sincerity of the sentiment, but I forsee a sincere apology for piss-poor time management. I don't think the potential for loss is realized.
But enough of that. I thoroughly enjoyed myself Monday night. And the award for line of the night goes to: Charlie.
--"What the hell are you talking about?"--
Dec. 29th, 2005 @ 10:01 am
|
| » My head still motionless through the archives |
|---|
Yes, I explored archives. Dismayal permeated more than other emotions for it seemed I had reached a peak with this contraption and have merely leveled out, fading as though becoming the apparitions my imagination once created.
And now, my head still turned as it was in that archived entry dating over a year and a half ago, I still feel stagnancy surrounding me. Words which I once commanded have hidden themselves to apperception.
The Haunting Prospect of the Eternal Return. Today was not a day I could relive for all of eternity.
Today, I remain Sisyphus triumphant- only horridly aware of the fate I do so serve.
Dec. 21st, 2005 @ 01:05 am
|
| » Mr. and Mrs. Garcia |
|---|
The wedding was really surreal. The rain really did make for perfection. What always strikes me most when I get together with the girls is how, despite the distances and the years that have elapsed, we still are connected, all of us. This part really struck me last year at Christmas time when we all sat around at Care's house. Just how brilliant and beautiful these girls are and what a treasure it really was to find them in high school.
But it really hit me at the wedding just how incredible all of you really are. Of all the friends that I've made in college, none are the same as the four of you. None are quite so versatile. None are quite so brilliant and beautiful. None are as mature while still retaining the elements of goofiness and laughter. None are quite so understanding. None are quite so loving. None are quite so accepting. None really make me laugh or smile in the same manner.
I was a bit overwhelmed with memories during the wedding, especially those of Liz... Of tube tops and starting fires on the park benches of the state park to name the most prominent.
It left me with a deep feeling of appreciation, to have such people in my life. And it makes me wish I had taken more time and effort through the past four years on them.
What was especially striking to me as we were all huddled under the umbrellas is how, despite the changes that are to come, there still holds the same current. We have all changed and we will all change more. Things will never be the same as they once were. Yet at the same time, I think we will all still be connected just the same. Moreover, Alfred is now to be a sixth to our group. He is a man that will not come between our friendship; rather, he has his own to offer to the group. Of all the things that were highlighted as amazing on Saturday- of the fact that they found one another, of the fact that they complement one another so well, of the beauty of their love- of all of that, this is also one of the most amazing to me.
"Bus stop, wet day. She's there. I say, 'Please share my umbrella.' Bus stop. Bus goes. She stays. Love grows, under my umbrella."
Dec. 19th, 2005 @ 12:56 am
|
| » My opinion of the GRE |
|---|
Firstly, I think it's quite a load of crap. It's a business. Moreover, that business is monopolistic. I'm quite disastisfied with the ineptness of that company too. They can't even track when additional score reports have been processed. Don't believe them when they say that the phone service will expedite the process either; it is only "more convenient" (AKA it costs more and is therefore more convenient to them). They advertise that it only takes 5 days; however, upon calling today (for the third time since I seem to get different info every time), I was told that the phone service takes five days to process and an additional five days to mail the scores to the schools. That's the same amount of time that it takes with the mail service too. Only difference is that the phone service costs more. They don't show up in the system until they are received by the schools, too. Which means, even though they've processed it, they can't tell you whether or not they've been sent. And your credit card apparently isn't billed until the schools receive them.
Fucking brilliant.
At any rate, I get to take the test again tomorrow (not that I can send this month's scores to all the schools but, I figure it might help up my shots on the other schools that are due later in January... and if I do better, I might be able to at least explain it on an admission's essay). I just retook the sample test and scored in the 93rd percentile for the vocab. That's more like it than the crap I did before. I think my biggest problem is that I feared myself into a conundrum. I doubt myself and I get nervous. Nervousness does not work for me on timed tests. It works for me on analytical thought-- I scored a 5.5 out of six on that part. But it doesn't work for the verbal and quantitative sections. I think when I get nervous I second guess and think more. Which is great for the alternative levels on analysis but horrid on straight-forward questions.
This is another reason I think most standardized tests are crap. You can literally think too much on them. Plus, they aren't a real gauge for success anyway, as I've shown with my mediocre standardized scores but excellent academic performances. I like the AP test because it feels less of a monopoly. It's not strictly Princeton U officiators.
I think what I need to do this time around is have a beer before I go in, just remember that it is going to have minimal indication for my future success, and realize that no school I really want to go to is going to use that score as the strict basis for cutting me out of an opportunity.
Dec. 14th, 2005 @ 08:38 pm
|
| » Christmas Cards |
|---|
Okay, here's the deal: since I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping and accidentally left the cards that I did manage to buy at my parents' house, it means that you guys won't be getting Christmas cards in the mail from me (since Care is already home, Liz is doing God only knows what in her last few days of freedom [probably planning some fake kidnapping... oh wait, it's not Georgia], Christina's life is in oscillation between home and Orlando, and Kenzie, well, her unpredictability is one of the things we love most about her). Sorry to disappoint.
So there you have it. I will see all of you at the wedding Saturday!
Dec. 14th, 2005 @ 10:39 am
|
| » Thanks, Meliss! Fun quiz. |
|---|
Severus Snape
You clearly do not scare easily. You want a man
who is sharp, intellectual, cultured, and not
too mushy. Get underneath his cool, sarcastic
exterior and who knows what treasures you might
find.
Who is your Harry Potter love match? (for girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
Nov. 30th, 2005 @ 03:55 pm
|
| » Hanging by a thread.... |
|---|
~This is such a great song. Gotta love Nat King Cole.
You promised me you'd come back,
I promised to wait.
But I was a little too lonely,
And you were a little too late.
Too many long nights alone,
Not even a date.
So I got a little too lonely,
And now you're a little too late.
You never would write, you never would call.
When I had the blues, you were havin' a ball.
You thought that I'd be here to run to,
Now I'm gonna do to you what I was done to.
Too bad about you, my friend,
It could've been great.
But I was a little too lonely,
And you were a little too late.
Nov. 29th, 2005 @ 06:13 pm
|
| » HOORAY! This bodes well for my memory. |
|---|
You Passed 8th Grade Science
|
Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!
|
Nov. 22nd, 2005 @ 02:11 pm
|
| » I didn't realize how much I missed thigh highs |
|---|
Liesl,
Remember: Potter is a boy, not a piece of meat.
Nov. 18th, 2005 @ 09:11 pm
|
| » Labyrinths of Corridors |
|---|
This is a difficult entry of trying to articulate levels of assuredness I experienced this week.
I have been on USF's campus every day this week and I have remembered many things. Walking by the dorms, I remembered how much change is possible in one single year. Largely freshman year but I am realizing that I changed more than I realized my last year, particularly with my maturity.
I can't even quite explain it but long, fluorescent-lit corridors sealed in white, painted cement blocks echoing questions and conversations of mankind somehow feel... right.
It scares me. Don't get me wrong. I dread the day I have a student come into my office (what an odd thought) and ask a question that I cannot answer. I fear of offending potential admissions committees from my own ignorance or presumptuousness. I worry about the actual process of getting a PhD, especially the dreaded dissertation. And even of the authority that will come with teaching.
I am a little less nervous about applying though and a little more confident.
This evening I went to the Mark Orr celebration. He's given a $100,000 endowment for study abroad. It's an incredible thing considering he's in his nineties. Being surrounded by all sorts of faculty from different departments, of just breathing in academia was fresh oxygen to my veins. After leaving, I ran into a bloke, Michael, with whom I had philosophy last semester. He was sitting next to an adjunct English professor. Both let me ramble and, for once, I felt assured and not scatter-brained in my responses... almost more authoritative even, as though I could hold my own without judgment of failure.
I then went and spoke again with the professor I'm going to do research for this year. He was reassuring but without directness. Said he was going to say the first time we met that he could imagine me at a coastal school with the free-flow of ideas. I told him when people suggested Atlanta it did seem a mere pit-stop on the road to New York.
I am leaning towards continental philosophy (in hopes that I can somehow tie in epistemology) with a second choice of contemporary analytical studies.
There is this fire in me. Another philosophy major was sitting next to Michael. He admitted he just liked to do it but wasn't very driven about it... did not feel he was out to imprint the value of education on others. He flippantly said, "Those who are meant for philosophy will find it because it will haunt them all of their days until they do." He then said "Not everyone has that drive/desire in them though. And it's not something you can just put in people." And then, with an unusual clarity, I realized that, what had seemed a curse, is actually the luck of my life.
Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 10:49 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
The Noble Princess
You are just and fair, a perfectionist with a
strong sense of proper decorum. You are very
attracted to chivalry, ceremony and dignity.
For the most part you are rather sensible, but
you are also very idealistic.
Role Models: Guinevere, Princess Fiona (of Shrek)
You are most likely to: Get kidnapped by a stray
dragon.
What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork (Original Music is BACK!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla
Nov. 13th, 2005 @ 01:14 am
|
| » Still Rough |
|---|
Today I am playing the role of the hung-over chick with a bad back and new representation in law.
Last night was one of the most embarassing nights I have ever had. And at no one's fault but my own. Problem wasn't the amount.. I think it was the combination. I can say, without a doubt, that was the most intoxicated I have ever been. Second ranker would be my 21st. Almost like the damn aluma is making up for lost time...
By the way, I did not vomit at my physical therapy this morning. I told them I had been sick all night from some food I ate ("I think it was the salad").
To all, I love you guys. Thanks for getting me home and not judging me (or, at least, not to my face). Seth, I'm glad you had a good time. Believe it or not I had a good time as well... well, until the convulsions that is.....
Jess, I OWE YOU BEAUCOUP. Merci for your mercy. As you said, "You know it's a good night when you're not dead."
Nov. 11th, 2005 @ 01:53 pm
|
| » Soporific Story |
|---|
Does this perpetual nightly silence sound some premonitory warnings of a distant, intangible clamour?
It seems mere speculation causes this specter, so I am best to rest at ease.
Nov. 5th, 2005 @ 02:19 am
|
| » What I'd really like to do... |
|---|
You know what I'd really like to do? I'd really like to find some way to combine International Studies and Philosophy. Like creating something like Philosophy of Cultures...
I don't know, does that sound terribly far-fetched or silly?
Oct. 31st, 2005 @ 07:37 pm
|
| » And the night gathers |
|---|
Dans les bras d'un loup... j'ai pense je vois....
But it is solitude. The carnivore devouring any good graces is merely a form of self-inflicted masochism.
I've nothing new to say; I've nothing new done. I've no urge for creative writing at the moment but yet feel compelled perhaps by the fleeting quality of my humanity (and to the mockery of your friends pages).
But with the study of past, I find no one really does except rare few and then it is always some fashion of creative appropriation of something already precedent. So much beauty I have seen but yet so little can I capture on this cold machine at present.
My livejournal has become something of which, upon creation, I never intended it to be.
Oct. 30th, 2005 @ 11:49 pm
|
| » Disappointing Day |
|---|
Mr. Rhodes’ Will contains four criteria by which prospective Rhodes Scholars are to be selected:
1. literary and scholastic attainments;
2. energy to use one’s talents to the full, as exemplified by fondness for and success in sports;
3. truth, courage, devotion to duty, sympathy for and protection of the weak, kindliness, unselfishness and fellowship;
4. moral force of character and instincts to lead, and to take an interest in one’s fellow beings.
Well, apparently I don't embody them enough; I once again did not make the first cut. Not that I expected to on this one, but the description got my hopes up because... well, it's very close to how I view myself.
Funny how the descriptions of past winners haven't included many actual athletes. Too bad Mr. Rhodes isn't still alive.
Oh, and I did terrible on the GRE. And I mean terrible.
I'm beginning to wonder about this whole idea of graduate school.
Oct. 29th, 2005 @ 04:11 pm
|
| » Sentimental. |
|---|
I just have the urge to take a minute and say how happy I am for Liz and Alfred.
So cute.
It's good to know there is hope for intelligent girls.
Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 09:06 pm
|
| » Yep... |
|---|
...All the winners from last year went Ivy League.
I could have gone Ivy League.
I was told that it mattered more where you went for graduate school though.
And there was the whole money issue.
I am slightly bitter tonight.
My consolation is that my career goals will also enable a (albeit slight) chance to help reform the Name Game.
Oct. 26th, 2005 @ 12:50 am
|
| » Another one bites (the dust).... |
|---|
Didn't make the cut for the Marshall. Thought I might've had at least a shot at that one. So far, I'm 0 for 2 that have given results. Two still pending. But if I didn't at least make the first cut for the Marshall... I mean, it's not like it was the last cut or anything. It was the FIRST cut.
I don't think I understand what I am meant to do for these damn things. I got two degrees in four years, held a 4.0, was a NCAA Athlete, did a TON of community service.... I mean... what the hell? I read the descriptions of people who have won in the past. I'm the ideal fucking candidate they describe on their little info sheets yet....
Is it USF? Is that why?
I mean, I don't expect to win national, prestigious scholarships but I would think that my record would at least make a first cut. I'm beginning to wonder what they do take...
*/confused rant
Oct. 25th, 2005 @ 06:51 pm
|
| » Shooting Pistols |
|---|
Damn you, Internet! Dance! Dance for me!
Entertain me already!
Oct. 17th, 2005 @ 10:09 pm
|
| » Why my live journal is annoying... |
|---|
I post weird poetic stuff no one understands
why is YOUR livejournal annoying?
brought to you by Quizilla
Oct. 6th, 2005 @ 06:21 pm
|
| » So... |
|---|
I was just glancing back at my thesis (and I mean "glance" in the most literal sense) to mention it on an application. I decided to run a word count (not including bibliography). So I highlighted the 170 pages and realized it tallies up at 41,576 words. Take away about 1000-1500 or so for captions on photos. Still, it's a helluva lot of words. I attribute it to piss-poor editing.
Suddenly a dissertation doesn't sound so doomsday though......
Oct. 3rd, 2005 @ 02:45 am
|
| » And that's the way the cookie crumbles... |
|---|
No shit, the day after they find out I want to go to graduate school and become a professor, they fire me. No prior warning. Pulled me aside on a WEDNESDAY when I was staying late (it was already 5:40). Manager had even sent me an email that morning that my effort for the week was great.
They threw the excuse of my IQ in there, too.
Said they want to see if they can get corporate approval to put me in the credentials department. Think this would be a better fit. My manager said, "Jeremy [the president] feels like we're holding you back here; that there are other things you can be doing right now [...] and your gpa [...] and you have the highest IQ on our team..."
I told him the truth of it the next day when he called- that I had seen two of the questions before and purposely flubbed them. I knew they had a bare minimal IQ score but was worried to score too high. *Laughs* He thought it was funny.
They also used the slow two weeks I've been having as sort of an excuse but I did mention that it's not my fault if I call 100 people in a day and only two answer the phone. And my manager told me "everyone has a slow period." I got the amount of hires they required.
So much for ambition.
Actually, it's VERY nice to be in daylight on a Friday. It was stiffling there.
I am not jumping into another job for my mother. Want to apply part-time to a bookstore or as a tutor.
I am not tied to a lease. I am broke but I am FREE.
Sep. 30th, 2005 @ 12:37 pm
|
| » Onward... |
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I had become depressed for a while there. But this past weekend really helped. Just to feel the salt on my body again, to feel the ocean embrace me in her hold took so much weight off of my countenance.
Then, starting these applications (which are alarmingly all due in less than two weeks) has helped. Even though I don't think I have a shot in hell on one of them, I feel refreshed to be working towards leaving this stagnation.
Last night, I visited the library to work on them there. Parked off campus and took the shuttle. It was an odd feeling to be there, considering they've not only remodeled it but that the last time I was there I was scrambling to pound out five papers or so. I still don't know how I made it through that last semester in one piece (as far as grades and sanity). And to think that I want to go back to it. It made me realize it's good that I'm taking a breather (not that I haven't been stressed out enough with the accident, etc).
At any rate, upon waiting for the shuttle back, I met this guy. We got to talking and it came out that I wanted to be a professor. He responded, "You definitely have that professor air about you."
I took it as a great compliment.
Sep. 14th, 2005 @ 08:48 pm
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| » Le Monde |
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You cannot spell "believe" without a lie.
Sep. 11th, 2005 @ 07:36 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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No matter what is or what happens, you have yourself.
And that, my friend, is a hell of a thing to have.
Sep. 9th, 2005 @ 12:15 am
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| » Public Service Announcement |
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I miss school.
Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 11:47 pm
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| » And so it is... |
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And so it seems I have a big, fat, question Mark.
Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 04:11 am
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| » A reminder to America |
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Everyone is upset at the hurricane. And reasonably so. Many people are dead. So far an estimated 100. There is much loss.
But, do I hear anyone saying, "OH MY GOD, at least 965 people died today in Baghdad"? No.
After all, they're not only foreigners, they're Muslims.
Aug. 31st, 2005 @ 06:50 pm
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| » Les etoiles |
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Fields upon fields draped in the sweet shadowy breeze of Spanish moss. That is what I see when I close my eyes. When I daydream, that is, because even my thoughts by night are a bit haunted as of late.
I wish I could update you on my life via music, because I can not seem to find the words. "Gene's Machine"-- the lyric-less track three on the Duhks' self-titled CD is how I feel at the moment.
I am in the mood to dance in a field for a while, maybe until some afternoon storm comes and I am forced to take shelter. Perhaps some eclectic, half-integrated mixture of ballet melting to a feisty jig.
I want to take up ballet again, but I also long to learn the harp. And then part of me is seduced by the idea of cello... not merely as a form of siren song to the one who occupies my thoughts at the moment, but also for the sheer beauty and variety of the instrument. A harp seems a bit more limited in many respects (especially finding lessons for it). I have desired to touch the golden strings of it though since I was five and saw the London Symphony Orchestra perform. I dare not attempt to spend more on myself than a slight pampering of my artistic curiosity, though.
And what else is new but decisions before me? I need to cease my guard on the post. Yet fiendish curiosity wonders what his words might bring. I really should hold my tongue; this is pure folly.
Aug. 26th, 2005 @ 07:32 pm
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| » Happy Birthday, Jess. |
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Jess,
Just wanted to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
It was really good to see you last night; I had a lot of fun. I hope you're having a spectacular day!
<3 Sarah
Aug. 19th, 2005 @ 09:12 pm
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